Why my son is gay

ANSWER:

Believe it or not, it’s a hopeful sign that your teen son has brought up the subject of same-sex attraction and homosexuality. Nothing is more important than open communication between parent and child — especially when it comes to sexuality and gender identity.

So you might want to try drawing your son out. You could request, “What made you curious about this?”

If you listen carefully and respond wisely, he might disseminate more of his thought processes. This can lead to a helpful discussion of the subject. It will also strengthen your bond — and a fine parent-child relationship is one of the best lines of defense against homosexuality.

Hear your child’s heart

Joe Dallas, an expert in field of same-sex attraction, says that there are three different ways the word “homosexuality” is used:

• “Homosexuality” can be used to signify specifically homosexual behavior — in other words, sexual contact with a person of the matching sex.

• The word is often used to describe a frame of mind when a person sees homosexuality as a primary ide
  
  

  Help! My Son is Gay

  by Ricky Chelette, Executive Director

  “So should I push my son towards women now?”  That’s a question I often get from fathers of young men who are struggling with same gender attractions. Dads are often devastated by the discovery of their son’s homosexuality.  But the reply to their son’s struggle is not to push him into the arms of a woman.  In fact, such a move could actually do more damage than good.
  But what should a dad undertake for his son? In a word:  connect!  I recognize when saying that many dads might think, “I am connected to my son. He’s my son. I’ve been around him since birth. We are fine.”  But the fact is that simply being offer doesn’t mean you have any gentle of emotional, intimate, connection with your son. He is a sensitive guy who needs to be spoken to in a language he can notice and understand. Proclamations of facts accomplish little to advance his heart. He wants words dripping with raw feeling and heart-felt infatuation. He wants to know you, intimately, and feel the weight of your passion for him.  In many ways, he wants you to look him straight in hi
  
  

  Responding to Teen Child Who Says He&#;s Gay

  I’m devastated that my son thinks he&#;s gay. One minute I’m so angry I could scream — and the next I just sit and cry. We love our son, but we don’t want the influence of same-sex attraction in our home (we have younger kids in the house).

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  ANSWER:

  Before we declare anything else, know that our hearts go out to you in the pain and confusion of hearing your teen son tell you that he&#;s gay. The emotions you’re experiencing are understandable reactions of a concerned and loving parent. You’re astute to ask for input about how to manage things, and we&#;ll cover several thoughts here:

  Respond calmly and respectfully

  So, how should you respond to what your son told you? Respectfully and in as cool-headed and non-reactive a way possible.

  But don&#;t panic if you and your son have already had a blow-up with each other. Ask for forgiveness and the chance to launch over. Agree with him that you’ll both undertake your best to remain away from hurtful attitudes and actions going forward. As with all interpersonal interactions, you can only manage yo

  As I relayed in When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need To Know (Sterling, ), I found out that my son was gay from a note with our son's name entwined with another boy's, surrounded by a heart. I accidentally found that note in his room when I was cleaning.

  I never questioned him about the heart I found on the sly. How would I have brought it up? Suppose I was wrong? After all, he had a crush on a girl in his class.

  I had suspected at times that he was gay. He only had girls to his thirteenth birthday party. He preferred gentler sports. He was always concerned about how he looked and followed fashion. Were these stereotypical thoughts from a linear mother? You bet, but it was ingrained through the culture's binary system and ideas about how males were "supposed to" behave.

  As it turns out, our son didn't arrive out until he was 17, was on his own, and brought a boyfriend to visit. Had I asked him if he were gay when he was 13, he probably would have defensively said "No!" He had to work it out and work through his denial. I'm glad I muzzled myself.

  Susan Berland, the mother o